The babies just keep getting bigger and I keep getting busier and more tired. Carter is so close to crawling now. He can get up on all fours but instead of going forward he scoots himself backwards. I think it's a matter of days before he takes off on me. Brennan has gotten on his hands and knees before, but it still only occurs sporadically.

However the opposite is true for holding bottles. Brennan is almost a pro at holding them himself while Carter has some of the motions but hasn't put it all together yet.

Evan has been home with me this week since his school is on winter break. Why a daycare needs a winter break, I have no clue, but whatever. I guess it's like paying a babysitter or Nanny a week's vacation.

We are currently searching for a babysitter to watch the twins while I participate in the 'Lose a Ton' competition. I hate having to rely on my mother-in-law so many times each week, plus I get the feeling she doesn't like doing it that often.

I've got a few that appear to be great candidates, so Kevin and I plan to interview them this weekend. Hopefully they are ready to start right away!

This week I had met my personal trainer for the first time. Jordan is a very nice guy and really knows his stuff. The competition officially starts late next week, so he doesn't want me to work out a ton or lose weight until then, but he does want to get my body eased into working out again.

Today I bought Evan and I "Sesame Street Live" tickets. It was so cute watching him get all worked up and excited every time the commercial came on that I couldn't not take him to see Elmo. I never dreamed it would be so expensive though...which is why Kevin isn't going with us, plus we won't need someone to watch the kids then.

That's what's been going on around here lately. Hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year's! We aren't doing anything special and will most likely treat it as a normal, everyday night. Kids in bed by eight and mom and dad in bed usually by ten or eleven.

Sick, and not the good kind

Everyone in this house has one thing or another going on health-wise. Things have been pretty miserable here the last few days. The babies have some nasty colds going on, probably courtesy of big brother and daycare. You know the kind, the perpetual river of green ooze sliding from their nostrils. Last week Kevin was battling what I think the twins had a little bit ago, same symptoms all the way down to the double ear infection. Evan has the daycare slime too. It seems that I have some weirdo eye infection, not pink eye, but something weird and a major sinus infection. Let me tell you it's nothing but fun times going on around here.

I never told you guys, because I just found out on Tuesday (I think, stuff blurs together nowadays) and well...because I don't really update this as often as I should. Who has time for that? Anyway, a few weeks ago I had the tv on while taking care of babies when I noticed a local television show was continuing there "Lose a Ton" challenge and accepting new applications. I figured, what the hell, I could definitely stand to lose a few and there's no motivating factor like public humiliation, so I sent in my submission.

I was hoping that the uniqueness of being a new twin mommy would be a good element for the show, turns out it is! I got a call from a friend we hang out with maybe once a year, who just happens to be the dietitian for the competition. She called to say congrats because she was looking down the names on the semifinalist sheet and saw my name. This was news to me, nobody had yet contacted me, but I was super excited. A few hours later I got a call from the show's producer and she made it official. I go in on Tuesday, also Kevin's birthday, for an interview. From there they reduce the top 20 to the final 12. I'm crossing my fingers that I make the cut.

Contestants get a free gym membership and personal trainer amongst other things. Nice, right? And the winner of the whole competition gets a free trip to Mexico or something. Pretty sweet, now if Kevin only had the desire to leave the country, but we won't put that cart before the horse. Don't want to jinx anything.

Milestones

I have a few tidbits to fill everyone in on from the past month or so, so here goes. Almost exactly at the four month mark the babies started to notice each other and it is positively the cutest thing I have ever witnessed. Both boys are rolling 360s across the floor to get from one side of the room to the other (and have been for a long while) and they are also starting to hold the weight from the front of their bodies on their arms, Brennan more so than Carter. You can tell that once they get their butts up in the air over their knees they are going to be on the move, and fast!

They each have their bottom two front teeth in the beginning phases of coming in and the drooling has officially begun. The babies are starting to try to hold their own bottles. Carter is my little conversationalist and Brennan is my mover and shaker; definitely starting to see two very different personalities forming.

We started solids off this last week and the boys quite thoroughly enjoy their meal time, but are also still really digging the bottle.

Life is also starting to settle down a bit and things are getting easier to handle as both boys have started to sleep through the night some nights. The nights they don't, they typically will only wake once for a bottle and I think Kevin and I are going to break them of that before too long if they don't do it on their own.

They love sucking on blankies, so for Christmas Santa is bringing them each their very own taggie blanket and matching linky squeak toy. Evan is getting a train table with the works and a bunch of Thomas engines and accessories. He also will have a new Thomas dvd in his stocking along with plenty of treats, a new Elmo toothbrush, some Crayons, a few wooden cars, a few Hot Wheels cars and the list goes on.

Today I'm beginning to feel refreshed from my busy life and for the first time in a while and I am reminded how lucky I am to have such a beautiful family. We are so blessed and I can't wait to put up the Christmas decorations to help spread even more cheer and goodwill around our house. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Just when I think life is starting to get easier...

I was finally feeling like I was starting to figure this MoM thing out and the world had to snap me back into the reality of my life. Things have been pretty crazy 'round these parts the past week. At one point I contemplated putting a giant "sick tent" around our house, but that would just exhaust me even more.

The whole family spent last weekend down at my parents' house (yes, again!) and it started out pretty routine and escalated into disaster rather quickly. In the wee hours of Sunday morning Carter woke up crying like he had done several times that night. Kevin went in to the kitchen to make him a bottle and I fed him while still half asleep. When I was changing his diaper I noticed his body felt warmer than usual, so I grabbed the medical kit in my diaper bag and pulled out the thermometer...101.5. Not great, but not terrible. I gave him a dose of Tylenol and put him back to bed hoping it was nothing more.

The family got up for the day around 9 a.m. after a night of terrible sleep. Throughout the day Carter's temp continued to rise into the 103s. We kept up with the Tylenol, but the medicine would do little, if anything to help my poor little bug. My mom helped give him tepid baths and drape him in cool, wet cloths which would work temporarily, but we always ended up back in the same place.

You could tell the he felt absolutely miserable and he cried and whimpered the whole time unless by some miracle you were able to get him to sleep. Night started to set in and his situation was not getting any better and my mind started to wonder myself into nervousness with thoughts of the swine flu and death rates among infants. I decided to call a nearby hospital to seek advice - they wanted me to bring him in.

By the time we packed up and got on the road it was nearly 10:30 at night and there was a steady rain for the entire half hour drive. We were admitted and seen almost right away and the ER pediatrician diagnosed Carter with a double ear infection. A nurse came in to give him some numbing drops and Motrin to make him a little more comfortable.

The doctor told us he would be prescribing some antibiotics, so we waited in our room for a while. Mom went with me and she struck up conversation with a mom of a little baby girl in the next room over, she also had a high temperature. The mother said the pediatrician was prescribing her daughter some IV fluids. We were so thankful our little buddy wasn't getting the same...or so we thought.

Another nurse came in and stated she was ready to start his IV. My mother and I looked at eachother and said we thought she had the wrong room and should be in the next one over. She looked confused at first and then actually agreed with us, but went to ask the doctor just in case.

She came back with a sorrowful look on her face and I stood by with tears streaming down my face as my tiny four month old son had an IV line placed in his foot after first trying in his left arm. He was also prescribed some antibiotics through his IV. It took about an hour to get everything into his body and we waited a few more minutes to be discharged.

He was really sick for an additional two days before he started showing signs of improvement. Mom called in sick to work on Monday since we didn't get back to her house until almost four in the morning, so that was a big help. On Tuesday, Carter was still wanting to be held 24/7, so I sent Brennan off to my mother-in-law's house and Kevin and I went for a follow up visit at our regular pediatrician's office. Carter still had an ear infection in his right ear, but the left one was already cleared.

On the drive there, we got a call from Kevin's mom and she told us that Brennan felt a little warm. Crap...here it comes! After our appointment we went to pick up Brennan and went back home. Kevin went back to work for a few hours and I had things under control and both babies napping. Then they woke up and all chaos ensued as I tried to calm them down. Which by the way, did not work - I need help. I frantically called Kevin, who by the grace of God somehow must have read my mind. He had already picked Evan up from school and was driving through our neighborhood.

That afternoon and night were delivered straight from the depths of hell. Nobody seemed to rest, although we did notice Carter was sleeping better than he had been. The next morning he seemed a lot better, so we sent him over to my Mother-in-law's house. Same song, different verse. Brennan ended up with an ear infection and was also given some antibiotics.

My mom, dad, and also Kevin and I think that it was possibly the swine flu and that it weakened their immune systems so badly that they developed ear infections. Carter was swabbed and tested at the hospital and it came back negative, but our pediatrician said she has read the tests are only anywhere from 10 to 70% accurate. I guess we'll never know for sure.

Today is the first day they are both feeling well and I hope to catch my breath sometime next week!

Mommy Instinct

So ever since last Saturday the boys have been projectile vomiting a few times a day. We took them to see Dr. G, our pediatrician on Monday. She suspected they had a bug and instructed us to call back in a few days if it continued. I called back yesterday (Thursday) and talked to the nurse, who relayed my message to the doctor. The nurse called back and informed us that Dr. G would not be prescribing us anything for it.

I immediately became upset after hanging up the phone. About six or eight weeks earlier we made a same day appointment to be seen for the same issue, but Dr. G was not in the office so we saw Dr. C. Dr. C strongly felt the boys were indeed battling reflux, but did not want to prescribe anything, because he wanted to stick with what he thought Dr. G might do. He gave us a few different samples of formula to try and sent us on our way.

We tried each type of formula and one of them seemed to help just a bit, so we continued it's use and quite honestly, got used to changing their clothes and ours many times a day. After receiving the return phone call yesterday I immediately began the search for a second opinion and possibly a new pediatrician.

Dr. G seemed to have been getting on a medical, anti-medicine high horse lately. We used to really be on the same page but I recently started to notice she was getting a little more extreme in her practicing. We just don't agree anymore.

Today we went to see Dr. Y and we loved her! It felt so good to have my concerns validated and listened to, you can never go wrong listening to your mommy instinct. The boys are going to get some kind of special medicine, not zantac....not sure what exactly it is though since they send the script over electronically to our pharmacist. We haven't picked it up yet, but are excited to give it a try and possibly get some relief.

Kevin and I decided rather quickly that we will begin the switch to the new doctor. On Monday we will have all of the records faxed over and have our official four month well baby(s) visit. I'm also excited because the new office is literally a two minute drive from our house, the old one was a good 25-30 minute drive.

I think it's safe to say that I've learned my lesson: your mommy instinct is always right; go with your gut! My boys have been in pain and not getting any relief for nearly two months now and it makes me sad to know that I didn't question the doctor sooner.

Naps

So, I told you I would write about naps sometime. The good news first: the boys are sleeping better than they ever have and are going down easier than they were. The bad news: our pediatrician recommended it was time to let them cry it out. I even questioned her about how young they were, but she insisted everything would be fine. So please do not be judgmental, I know this is a touchy and controversial topic and I'm already in a fragile enough state.

Before they were sleeping maybe, and I use that term loosely, one to two hours per day. I could see my life spiraling downward right in front of me and much too fast to even keep up with the thought of it all. We are still in the midst of the crying it out method, the boys take generally about fifteen to thirty minutes to get themselves to sleep. They would stay down for forty five minutes to an hour before waking up and crying again, but they are getting better at calming themselves down and staying asleep.

Our doctor's orders were to keep them awake for an hour and a half and put them in their cribs for two hours, even if they cry the entire time. Ugh, it sounds so cruel and honestly their cries do get to me, but I also see the improvements they've made in just one week. Kevin can't stand it, he absolutely hates it, but also sees their sleeping getting better so we both continue according with what the doctor suggested.

Night time is getting easier even though they aren't sleeping in longer periods, still about three to four hours at a time between feedings. I think we are just getting used to the nightly grind and settling into our routine.

Even though having Brennan and Carter cry themselves to sleep and it is difficult to hear them, I can see myself being a better mom to them when they are awake. Geez, how terrible does that sound? Those two hours allow me to get things done around the house and (sometimes) even some time to myself to wind down before the madness begins all over again.

Switching gears now, the babies will be going to Nonna and PawPaw's house tonight for a few hours. Evan has an annual event at school tonight called Trunk or Treat and Kevin and I are taking him. It really is a cute night. The parents all open up the trunks of their vehicles and decorate them in a fall or Halloween type theme. The kids get to go around to each car and trick or treat in their costumes.

I love it, he gets two uses out of his costume since he'll also be wearing the same one on Halloween night. This year Evan is going as a fireman and his brothers (if we take them out, weather permitting) are going to be Frank and Stein. We ordered two cute little frankenstein outfits online, they even come with a hat that has little black stitches across it.

I really need to go, while the boys are napping I'm supposed to be getting things together for tonight. Wish me luck that the boys stay asleep long enough for me to get it done!

Darkness

A few weeks ago we moved the babies from our bed into two pack n' plays in our room so we could all try to get better sleep. They were beginning to wake every three hours, sometimes sooner and it seemed like my sleep deficit continued to increase. I tried to convince Kevin that something had to give, but he was not ready to move them into their cribs just yet.

Yesterday was by far the worst day to date for me with the twins. I tried from 9 am until 2 in the evening to get them down for a nap with very little success. Just as I would get one to sleep the other one would start to cry. This turned into a very vicious cycle and both were exhausted but continued to fight.

I remember laying there in bed with them next to me screaming until they were red in the face with tears streaming down their little pudgy cheeks. I was completely paralyzed by the sounds of their cries. A good ten minutes passed and I tried to compose myself, caressing them both in my arms and carrying them out to the rocking chair in the living room. My lowest, darkest parenting moment. We rocked. And we all three cried together, me wishing I was somewhere else or anyone else than who and where I was at that actual moment. I was questioning why God would do this to me; he surely should know that I'm not equipped to handle two of them - there was only supposed to be one.

Kevin tried to get in contact with me all day by phone and I didn't have the energy to talk...or argue. I guess eventually he got worried enough to where he left work and came home to check on us. There I sat on the couch, eating my first "meal" of the day while both babies were in hysterics, and this was at two o'clock. We had a nice long talk about how I needed either more or better quality sleep. I expressed how I felt I always had to be "on", even during the night. He is such a sound sleeper he honestly does not hear their cries, even when they are right next to him.

We finally decided it was a good idea to put them down for the night in their room and in their own cribs. When bedtime came we rocked them to sleep and went according to plan. God must have had pity on me and gave me a break. Carter woke up hungry at around 1:30. We are somewhat convinced that Brennan might have slept through the night, but we chose to wake him for the feeding with his brother just in case.

The next time I heard a cry it was close to 6 a.m. and once again it was Mr. Carter who was hungry. Brennan was still sleeping like a rock. Hopefully tonight goes just as smoothly.

I'll have to save the failure of their ability to nap for my next post. Naptime equals one big, fat fail!