So, I told you I would write about naps sometime. The good news first: the boys are sleeping better than they ever have and are going down easier than they were. The bad news: our pediatrician recommended it was time to let them cry it out. I even questioned her about how young they were, but she insisted everything would be fine. So please do not be judgmental, I know this is a touchy and controversial topic and I'm already in a fragile enough state.
Before they were sleeping maybe, and I use that term loosely, one to two hours per day. I could see my life spiraling downward right in front of me and much too fast to even keep up with the thought of it all. We are still in the midst of the crying it out method, the boys take generally about fifteen to thirty minutes to get themselves to sleep. They would stay down for forty five minutes to an hour before waking up and crying again, but they are getting better at calming themselves down and staying asleep.
Our doctor's orders were to keep them awake for an hour and a half and put them in their cribs for two hours, even if they cry the entire time. Ugh, it sounds so cruel and honestly their cries do get to me, but I also see the improvements they've made in just one week. Kevin can't stand it, he absolutely hates it, but also sees their sleeping getting better so we both continue according with what the doctor suggested.
Night time is getting easier even though they aren't sleeping in longer periods, still about three to four hours at a time between feedings. I think we are just getting used to the nightly grind and settling into our routine.
Even though having Brennan and Carter cry themselves to sleep and it is difficult to hear them, I can see myself being a better mom to them when they are awake. Geez, how terrible does that sound? Those two hours allow me to get things done around the house and (sometimes) even some time to myself to wind down before the madness begins all over again.
Switching gears now, the babies will be going to Nonna and PawPaw's house tonight for a few hours. Evan has an annual event at school tonight called Trunk or Treat and Kevin and I are taking him. It really is a cute night. The parents all open up the trunks of their vehicles and decorate them in a fall or Halloween type theme. The kids get to go around to each car and trick or treat in their costumes.
I love it, he gets two uses out of his costume since he'll also be wearing the same one on Halloween night. This year Evan is going as a fireman and his brothers (if we take them out, weather permitting) are going to be Frank and Stein. We ordered two cute little frankenstein outfits online, they even come with a hat that has little black stitches across it.
I really need to go, while the boys are napping I'm supposed to be getting things together for tonight. Wish me luck that the boys stay asleep long enough for me to get it done!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Darkness
A few weeks ago we moved the babies from our bed into two pack n' plays in our room so we could all try to get better sleep. They were beginning to wake every three hours, sometimes sooner and it seemed like my sleep deficit continued to increase. I tried to convince Kevin that something had to give, but he was not ready to move them into their cribs just yet.
Yesterday was by far the worst day to date for me with the twins. I tried from 9 am until 2 in the evening to get them down for a nap with very little success. Just as I would get one to sleep the other one would start to cry. This turned into a very vicious cycle and both were exhausted but continued to fight.
I remember laying there in bed with them next to me screaming until they were red in the face with tears streaming down their little pudgy cheeks. I was completely paralyzed by the sounds of their cries. A good ten minutes passed and I tried to compose myself, caressing them both in my arms and carrying them out to the rocking chair in the living room. My lowest, darkest parenting moment. We rocked. And we all three cried together, me wishing I was somewhere else or anyone else than who and where I was at that actual moment. I was questioning why God would do this to me; he surely should know that I'm not equipped to handle two of them - there was only supposed to be one.
Kevin tried to get in contact with me all day by phone and I didn't have the energy to talk...or argue. I guess eventually he got worried enough to where he left work and came home to check on us. There I sat on the couch, eating my first "meal" of the day while both babies were in hysterics, and this was at two o'clock. We had a nice long talk about how I needed either more or better quality sleep. I expressed how I felt I always had to be "on", even during the night. He is such a sound sleeper he honestly does not hear their cries, even when they are right next to him.
We finally decided it was a good idea to put them down for the night in their room and in their own cribs. When bedtime came we rocked them to sleep and went according to plan. God must have had pity on me and gave me a break. Carter woke up hungry at around 1:30. We are somewhat convinced that Brennan might have slept through the night, but we chose to wake him for the feeding with his brother just in case.
The next time I heard a cry it was close to 6 a.m. and once again it was Mr. Carter who was hungry. Brennan was still sleeping like a rock. Hopefully tonight goes just as smoothly.
I'll have to save the failure of their ability to nap for my next post. Naptime equals one big, fat fail!
Yesterday was by far the worst day to date for me with the twins. I tried from 9 am until 2 in the evening to get them down for a nap with very little success. Just as I would get one to sleep the other one would start to cry. This turned into a very vicious cycle and both were exhausted but continued to fight.
I remember laying there in bed with them next to me screaming until they were red in the face with tears streaming down their little pudgy cheeks. I was completely paralyzed by the sounds of their cries. A good ten minutes passed and I tried to compose myself, caressing them both in my arms and carrying them out to the rocking chair in the living room. My lowest, darkest parenting moment. We rocked. And we all three cried together, me wishing I was somewhere else or anyone else than who and where I was at that actual moment. I was questioning why God would do this to me; he surely should know that I'm not equipped to handle two of them - there was only supposed to be one.
Kevin tried to get in contact with me all day by phone and I didn't have the energy to talk...or argue. I guess eventually he got worried enough to where he left work and came home to check on us. There I sat on the couch, eating my first "meal" of the day while both babies were in hysterics, and this was at two o'clock. We had a nice long talk about how I needed either more or better quality sleep. I expressed how I felt I always had to be "on", even during the night. He is such a sound sleeper he honestly does not hear their cries, even when they are right next to him.
We finally decided it was a good idea to put them down for the night in their room and in their own cribs. When bedtime came we rocked them to sleep and went according to plan. God must have had pity on me and gave me a break. Carter woke up hungry at around 1:30. We are somewhat convinced that Brennan might have slept through the night, but we chose to wake him for the feeding with his brother just in case.
The next time I heard a cry it was close to 6 a.m. and once again it was Mr. Carter who was hungry. Brennan was still sleeping like a rock. Hopefully tonight goes just as smoothly.
I'll have to save the failure of their ability to nap for my next post. Naptime equals one big, fat fail!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Mommy's Time Out
After a pretty long and trying week with the boys, I decided I needed a small break. Actually, I broke down. I tried calling my mom at work, but she was teaching one of her classes for trainees in her department. I wound up calling my dad and ended up in tears and barely able to mutter or construct a few sentences while gasping for air. Ugh. I guess it was a long time comin'!
I managed to get my point across somewhere in my blubbering. I asked if they could watch the babies on Saturday and they very happily agreed to. Evan was supposed to go to Kevin's mom and dad's house, but they ended up already having plans, so he went down to my parents' house too. They survived with all three of them, but had plenty of hands on deck to help out; Uncle Dude (my brother Josh), Uncle Nate, and also Uncle Nate's practically live-in girlfriend, Tiffany.
I got everyone all packed up and into the car around 8:30 in the morning to make the one hour drive to drop them off. While I was doing that, Kevin stayed home and picked up the house, which by the way must've had more explosions within. I was gone for a total of three hours round trip. I came home to find Kevin snoring himself into a wonderful nap. I decided to join him, but only managed to get a little over an hour of sleep. Not exactly catching me up on my sleep deficit, but nice nonetheless.
After getting up, we headed out for lunch at P.F. Chang's and planned on catching a movie afterward. Lunch was yummy, but the stars weren't exactly aligning for our movie date. Turns out there is nothing playing right now that we wanted to see. We decided to head over to the mall and relax in the Borders bookstore. I browsed cookbooks while Kevin flipped through magazines.
From there, we were craving dessert, so we headed across the upper level of the mall and walked our childless, happy selves into The Cheesecake Factory. I'm not a fan of cheesecake, so I opted for some sort of chocolately goodness. The name escapes me, but it was a huge piece, the cake itself seemed like it was a mile high. Kevin ordered the Snickers cheesecake.
From there we really weren't sure what to do with ourselves. It was too early to pick up the kids, so we headed into Babies R Us to get Evan some pajamas, poor kid had outgrown most of his. After that we decided it was probably time to bring ourselves back to reality and headed down to get the kids.
It's kind of funny how things worked out though. I needed a whole new fall/winter wardrobe since Kevin ruined my entire one from last year (don't ask, that's a whole other story and I still get upset about it!) I also need new shoes of all kinds. My feet feel like they grew a whole size from this last pregnancy and I never really noticed because I all but lived in flip flops. Now that the weather is turning a bit cooler, I tried putting on a pair of my old tennis shoes and my toes felt like they were going to go right through the front of the shoe. Well, back to my point...the thought never crossed our minds to do something we actually needed to do, which was all sorts of bliss.
For once we didn't have to focus on what needed to get done, who was crying or hungry, what bills needed to be paid, etc. For the first time in a long time we took the time to just relax and were able to do things spur of the moment and really enjoy ourselves. It was so wonderful not to dread the one million steps needed just to get out of the car and into a store before pulling into the parking lots.
Today's Monday...and it's back to the grind around this place. It was nice while it lasted!
I managed to get my point across somewhere in my blubbering. I asked if they could watch the babies on Saturday and they very happily agreed to. Evan was supposed to go to Kevin's mom and dad's house, but they ended up already having plans, so he went down to my parents' house too. They survived with all three of them, but had plenty of hands on deck to help out; Uncle Dude (my brother Josh), Uncle Nate, and also Uncle Nate's practically live-in girlfriend, Tiffany.
I got everyone all packed up and into the car around 8:30 in the morning to make the one hour drive to drop them off. While I was doing that, Kevin stayed home and picked up the house, which by the way must've had more explosions within. I was gone for a total of three hours round trip. I came home to find Kevin snoring himself into a wonderful nap. I decided to join him, but only managed to get a little over an hour of sleep. Not exactly catching me up on my sleep deficit, but nice nonetheless.
After getting up, we headed out for lunch at P.F. Chang's and planned on catching a movie afterward. Lunch was yummy, but the stars weren't exactly aligning for our movie date. Turns out there is nothing playing right now that we wanted to see. We decided to head over to the mall and relax in the Borders bookstore. I browsed cookbooks while Kevin flipped through magazines.
From there, we were craving dessert, so we headed across the upper level of the mall and walked our childless, happy selves into The Cheesecake Factory. I'm not a fan of cheesecake, so I opted for some sort of chocolately goodness. The name escapes me, but it was a huge piece, the cake itself seemed like it was a mile high. Kevin ordered the Snickers cheesecake.
From there we really weren't sure what to do with ourselves. It was too early to pick up the kids, so we headed into Babies R Us to get Evan some pajamas, poor kid had outgrown most of his. After that we decided it was probably time to bring ourselves back to reality and headed down to get the kids.
It's kind of funny how things worked out though. I needed a whole new fall/winter wardrobe since Kevin ruined my entire one from last year (don't ask, that's a whole other story and I still get upset about it!) I also need new shoes of all kinds. My feet feel like they grew a whole size from this last pregnancy and I never really noticed because I all but lived in flip flops. Now that the weather is turning a bit cooler, I tried putting on a pair of my old tennis shoes and my toes felt like they were going to go right through the front of the shoe. Well, back to my point...the thought never crossed our minds to do something we actually needed to do, which was all sorts of bliss.
For once we didn't have to focus on what needed to get done, who was crying or hungry, what bills needed to be paid, etc. For the first time in a long time we took the time to just relax and were able to do things spur of the moment and really enjoy ourselves. It was so wonderful not to dread the one million steps needed just to get out of the car and into a store before pulling into the parking lots.
Today's Monday...and it's back to the grind around this place. It was nice while it lasted!
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